Heaven – God unexpectedly addressed his skepticism in a recent statement that humanity would require a full seven days to bring about its own destruction, citing ‘record-breaking efficiency’ in recent global crises. “I created the world in a mere seven days, but I’d be surprised if you make it past the third, given the current pace,” said the divine entity. Most experts expressed their agreement that the time for self-destruction will come much sooner than most would hope, pointing out that the recent political, environmental, and technological developments have dramatically accelerated the collapse. Some historians, however, argued that complete oblivion could still take a decade or two to fully materialize. Meanwhile, theologians continue to debate whether the impending apocalypse technically qualifies as a “rest day” for divine beings—or if celestial overtime policies should be reconsidered.
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